New Year and A New Stage

Life comes in stages. I thought that I had entered the post-college stage of my life where I needed to decide what I wanted to do next, and then set out on that course for my life. I had a new career goal and I started the stage in my life setting out to get to that career, which meant Grad School and things were great. But, in order to pay for grad school, I have to work. I love the work I do, and I pray daily that I will always love what I do and do what I love.

However, recently, times have been getting tough, which means stages are changing once again. School is getting more demanding, and I have to meet certain requirements. Work is getting more demanding as well, and yet things are changing there too.

My body is finally telling me that I can't do both at the same time. Or maybe that is God telling me now I have to pick. I'm not sure if I was defining myself in my work or my school, and I question that on a regular basis. Like am I not defining myself as a child of God and more in something of material value, and therefore is He taking that materialism away so that I stay defined in Him?

But anyways, I am stressed beyond belief. I have definitely cried enough to flood the Ventura River bed this year alone, and maybe twofold in the past 8 months. I feel like I am a little soul facing all these giants first in self-worth (thought I got over that in October), then in the piles of work, then in worry of not having finances to pay for school since I'm getting cut back at work, and then all the math I have to know to pass this last awful CSET that I'm struggling with.

I feel alone in all of this, yet I know that if I keep my thoughts on God, then He will fight the giants for me. All things are possible through Christ who stregthens me. Yet though I have that memorized and know in my heart that God will take care of me, be my provider, my fighter, my strength, my peace, my calm in the storm, my friend, my encourager, my constant, I always forget and come back to the "Woe is me, how can I do this?"

Change is okay and there is luxury and amazing-ness waiting for me at the end of all these struggles. I know I will be stronger for all this, but I need to keep my trust on God, and that I am not doing as well as I ought to be. It has just been a rough start for my new year that has not been filled with happiness. But blessed be the name of the Lord who gives and takes away and in Him I will find all joy and peace.