I love my job

Thursday - Kayaking in the Channel Islands Harbor
The best day of summer camp yet! I set up this kayak tour thanks to Molly with Mike Lamm who is a camp parent and the owner of the CI Kayak Center. He took one group out kayaking for about an hour through the harbor. The other half of our group waited for the arrival of the first group down at a small beach on Victoria just before Silverstrand. It was so exciting to see them arrive at the beach - 17 people kayaking up the shore. Our group hopped in the kayaks and away we went. Let's just say that this second group was much more energetic. They hardly cared about the history - they were so excited to be doing something different and they just wanted to rock the boat and splash each other. Gabbi and Zach (two awkward jr high kids who are dating and who have frequent blowout meltdowns [Gabbi screams and Zach cries]) went in a double kayak together. It was almost the destruction of their relationship. From the beginning Gabbi was screaming because other kayaks were hitting hers or she wasn't going straight enough or Zach wasn't steering correctly. Zach was trying his bestm but was frustrated he wasn't coordinated with Gabbi. Then she was yelling at him and he was upset because he didn't know what he did wrong. Well, somehow they went down the wrong turn in the harbor (not a big deal -the group was on the other side). Kristin and I were in a double together and had to follow them quickly because Gabbi started screaming, and Zach burst into tears and gave up paddling. Gabbi called him a big baby, which was hilarious because she is one too. We had to pull them over to a dock. Gabbi hopped out of the kayak and I slid into the one with Zach. Gabbi then got in with Kristin. The rest of the trip was just fine despite some other kids who were in la-la-land and were struggling with the paddling. The kids had a blast kayaking and seeing the sea stars, sea lion, pelican, and other birds, pirate skulls, a refurbished boats. Bud came and hung out with us all day and watched some of the kayaking. It was so great to have him with us because he could see our program, and having him there made our program feel worthy. Plus he is such a goofball and the kids had so much fun being crazy with him. We went to Coffee Bean nearby and chilled and then we took a walk down the new harbor, across a bridge to a grassy area where we played football, soccer, and played on the rocks. There we saw stingrays! It was such a fun day that was hardly planned, but we relaxed. It was such a healthy day too because we were in the sun, outdoors, and active. It's hard to say which part was my favorite, but I loved Bud coming to hang with us. I was able to relax and just have fun with the kids. I was in God's creation - soaking it up and sharing His joy. It was all so good.


Friday - LazerTag EXTREME

The day started off with Kristin and me making breakfast for the kids - crepes with nutella, bananas, and orange juice. So good!!!! Lazertag has a space theme so when I showed up to work, Charlie Brown was making stuff with foil and I said let's make foil hats like in the movie Signs to protect our brains from the aliens at LazerTag. So it was a big deal and all the Camarillo jr high kids made foil hats with a unicorn point in the middle. It was hilarious. We wore them all day and got looks from everybody! At LazerTag, our whole group got to play each other in the 2 missions we had. We were so intense. Even the ref commented with big bug eyes and a funny voice "You guys are bru-u-tal!" We were so hardcore shooting each other, defending our bases. Again, I loved just getting the chance to play with the kids. I was a kid - not a director for a few minutes. It was so fun. At one point, I was on defense protecting our base and Tucker was trying to shoot the alien at the ceiling. I kept jumping up and down and squatting all to block his laser from killing us and scoring points. After our missions, we played arcade games and hung out. Then we walked to RocketFizz and got candy and sodas. It was such a fun and exciting day!

I love every minute of my job. Of course, I hate the discipline and I hate the lack of respect and manners our kids have a lot of the time. But my mom reminded me the other day that these kids' parents are not training their kids when to say please and thank you and how to show respect. It's my job. I am with the kids more hours each week than their parents. Therefore, it's now my job to guide these kids and train them. Each day is another opportunity to teach them. Plus, God has called me to teach His children. I must be obedient to His call. And He has asked me to train these kids to be obedient servants for Him. WOW! Now that's powerful stuff!

Oh how I love my job and I take joy in the good times and the rough times!

Here's our group in the foil hats!

Soulstice 2010

Preparing for Soulstice was the most challenging thing I have ever had to do, but it is definitely the most rewarding experience. It is my favorite week of the summer because I love camping, worshipping God outdoors, and watching Christ transform the hearts and lives of junior high kids. I spent many days crying because I was so overwhelmed with the details. I am perfectionist so it was difficult to let go of tasks, to delegate them, and to settle for simplicity when I want something to be the best. I sure learned quickly the simplicity can be the best. I also learned that I can still have a say in whatever I delegate. I learned that other people have unique talents and creative ideas. I recognized quickly that God has surrounded me with people not only for emotional support but to physically support and help me with what I need. The weekend before we left for Soulstice was a challenging one. So much needed to get done, and I wanted to hit my goal of 100 kids! I am only one person and I was pushing my body to the extreme. I did not hit my goal, and the struggle of realizing that I would not hit that goal was so tough to handle. My greatest fear is failure, and I felt that if I did not hit 100 kids I would be letting people down. I knew deep down and frequently prayed that God would bring who he wanted to Soulstice, no matter what target goal I had for myself. But then the weekend came where I learned I only had 78 kids and 13 CITS. 91 was not my goal but Christ’s goal, and I had to accept and realize that this year is just a building year. It is my first year planning and executing Soulstice on my own at a different lake – one that is further and many parents may not be comfortable with their kids going so far away. Though I cried every single night of the week prior to Soulstice and multiple times the weekend of, I tried to be strong, to look and act strong when deep down inside I questioned why God was using me. What did he see in me? I am only 21, with very little life experience. I have a deep passion for junior high and I can relate to a lot of their struggles, but I am so weak and young. Why put this much stress and responsibility on my shoulders? Well, what a laugh this is looking back on it. The theme for the week was “Rend your heart” based on Joel 2:12-13 that says rend your hearts and not your garments. Return to the Lord for he is gracious and merciful. The whole week we would be studying what it means to be broken before the Lord, that God wants our broken pieces because he makes us perfect, that we need to surrender our life and our struggles, and that repentance leads to restoration. Only God can restore us when we come to Him first, broken and torn in pieces. WOW. So I here I stand bawling my eyes out like a baby when I am reminded that this is where God wants me. I had to get to this place because then He could show off His power and glory in my life. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says his power is made perfect in weakness. Well, duh. I am weak and I allowed Him to use me as I led such an important and life-changing week where many souls would be harvested and changed in this summer Soulstice. Some verses that really spoke to me the weekend before Soulstice: Galatians 6:9-10 “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially those who are of the household of faith.” and Psalm 23 specifically “He restores my soul. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters”. And Psalm 27 “The Lord is my light and my salvation: whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” It was the most incredible week – the best Soulstice yet. It went so smoothly. Of course it was tiring and I am still exhausted four days after it. But it went wonderfully and because it was so organized, I delegated, relied on other people’s strengths, and trusted the Lord, I actually had time to jump in the water and hang out with kids. Of course I did not do it alone. I had an incredible team of people who love God and want to bring kids to the Kingdom. That’s really what is all about. God used all of our talents and strengths and even our weaknesses which he meshed together to create something powerfully amazing. Oh how I desire to be sweetly broken by Him because He can use me for great things. And the reward was granted to me the last night when we were singing Lead me to cross whre your love pours out and I saw many of the kisd like these two hear with arms raised high, hearts abandoned, surrendering their all to Christ.

Summer Soulstice

SOULSTICE. It's all that is on my mind. I'm promoting like crazy and planning like crazy. There is so much responsibility involved with this trip, and I feel such a heavy burden of all that needs to be done and the mandatory-ness of 100 kids at Soulstice. I am so overwhelmed, and at times I feel so alone in this. But I know I am not alone - not only do I have an amazing team and leaders and staff who are competent to help me but I also have God who apparently has called me for this. Tonight as I began my nightly cry because of this looming weight, worry, and fear I thought I am so young. I am 21 and yet I am responsible for so much. I feel like I know nothing and I'm not strong enough to handle this, and yet I am reminded from Sunday's message in church that when God calls people, He calls the weak, the sinners, the broken-hearted because He works through them and His power shines through them. So I am just waiting to be used and stretched and I'm relying on the strength of God. I try to remind myself that I'm doing this for the glory of God and that it is by His strength not my own that this trip will be pulled off.

The Things Kids Say

I want to start a list of the things my kids say or lessons I learn from the kids every day at camp. It amazes me at what some children say because sometimes it can be so profound or so eloquently said but in simple language --maybe it's the clarity of how they express it. I don't know. But it reminds me of one of my favorite phrases: "Childlike faith moves mountains"

So Monday Rebecca asked how to hear the voice of God and what it sounds like. She also wanted to know how you know the Holy Spirit is talking to you. It was a cool conversation, and I got to share how God has spoken to me in a variety of ways, and how the more I get to know Him the easier it is for me to hear Him.

I'm currently teaching my junior high group about sexual abstinence under our Define Your Identity program. Last week a kid asked me a question, and I gave him or her (can't remember now) an answer but I said that that was an excellent question to ask their parents because their parents could probably do a better job explaining it than I can. And one boy responded "No way. I do not talk to my parents about this stuff because sex is awkward and I don't want to have this type on conversation with them." I totally get it and I am glad that I at least get to be the one to explain sexual abstinence. I'm not doing a sex education class. I'm talking about a bigger picture thing and helping them think long-term, which is cool. I hope that when I am a parent one day I will know how to talk to my kids about sex and sexual abstinence in a way that is not awkward but real, honest, and open.

A kindergartner I pick up has also been saying some deep stuff. His parents are getting divorced right now so life is tough because they are always fighting and he has to go back and forth between them. He said the other day that he wishes his life would end now so that he could just go to heaven. When I asked why he said that heaven is going to be so cool because we can have fun all the time and eat whatever we want and the streets are going to be made out of gold and we will get to live in gold houses and we will always be happy!! AMEN brother!!!

Let's see, there have been so many quotes recently that I wish I could blog while working sometimes because I want to write everything down. The memories I make at this job are amazing and I grow so much just as these kids are growing, and it's quite the experience. Praise God for His creations!

News

Hi blog that I havent written in for a while! Okay so last time I shared about getting my grandma's Bible. Well it must have been Grandma Bible week because my aunt came to visit and brought my other Grama's Bible!!! And there is writing everywhere in the Bible. It looks like she wrote a date for every day that she read a certain passage...at least that's what I'm guessing. Some of i doesn't make any sense, so I'll have to ask her. But I am loving this!

I broke my foot last weekend. I fractured my 5th metatarsal and tore a ligament. My ankle and foot are nasty purple, blue, yellow, and green colors. I'm in this awful walking cast, but I made it a little better by having all the kids and staff and camp sign it and decorate it. Today I bought another pen to let more kids sign it on Monday.

Today my dad came to church and I was really excited that he was there. He seemed very excited afterwards and said that the message was so much like his AA program. He said that every time he listens to Pastor Bruce he hears a lot of AA in the messages. I told him that's good, and maybe he should keep coming back (AA phrase!!) So we'll see!

Grandma

The other night I was searching for a book on one of our extremely packed bookshelves. For some reason I was drawn to this worn down Bible. When I opened it, the front page read "For our daughter Naomi. Happy 21st Birthday. Love, Mom and Dad." It was my grandma's Bible! I never met my grandma because she died a month before I was born from some type of horrible cancer, but everyone tells me stories of how much fun she was and how our personalities are so alike and that we'd be such close friends. I wish I could have met her. Inside the Bible I found a handwritten list of verses, and I could tell that it was her handwriting (almost like my mom's!) and a few of the verses towards the end of the list were my grandpa's handwriting (He died when I was 12). So I started reading through the verses to see what she was praying about and what God was saying to her. Every verse is about healing, trusting Jesus, having faith, receiving a new body, and living for Christ. So she must have been studying those a ton while she was dying, which must have meant her faith was pretty incredible because I'd write those out and call upon Jesus hardcore if I was in her place. Some of the verses written in my grandpa's handwriting were ones about the way to heaven and about faith, which makes me wonder if he was saved and if he is in heaven now. So much of this I never saw in him and I don't talk to my mom too often about, but it was so cool to find the list and the Bible. It kind of gives me a glimpse at who my grandma was and it's like she is speaking to me now!

That Awkward Stage

I hated PE every single year of school because I was not talented in athletics. I wasn't good at any sport. I always finished near last when we ran the mile. The awkward stage that most junior high kids go through, and that many of my kids are stuck in now, felt like an eternity for me. So today I could relate to one girl who took three times as long as the rest of the kids to climb the Spider. Granted, she did it in a minute and 28 seconds, which is faster than I can do. But as the rest of the kids climbed to the top to hang out, she stayed down on the third level. I climbed up to sit with her. She immediately said how she felt terrible about being last and how she isn't good at anything. That sure sounded familiar. I told her my story, and said everyone has something that they are incredible at and some things that we just aren't as good at. We need to embrace our talents and laugh off our weaknesses. Those aren't important. She's in an awkward stage, and I hope she will embrace who she is and not who she wishes she could be. Pray for Mikayla.

Gratitude and Prayer

Prayer is a powerful tool and I realized Sunday that I only prayed with my junior high kids once last week! So today, before they were going to spread out for homework time, we sat together and everyone shared two things they liked about the day and then we prayed. A lot of them put on this cover that they hate their lives and hate everything about their days, and I want to change that. I want them to start thinking more positively. So this is one way towards optimism. Every day we are going to start out with this before homework. Then after our gratitude time, we prayed together. I asked for prayer requests and one girl's hand shot up requesting that we pray for the people of Haiti - that God would provide for them and heal them and that they'd rescue everyone possible and that they'd get their lives back. I wash shocked that a 12-year-old would say all of that, but it was so cool. So she led our prayer time and then I finished up. Another girl asked why some people say that God hates Haiti and that's why He let the earthquake happen. She didn't understand why God would be mean. It was an awesome discussion where we talked about God who is a God of love, and we talked about the story of Job, and that suffering produces endurance and draws us closer to God. It was a great and fun-filled day. And to top it off, some kids are really excited for our after-school program this week and are going to ask their parents if they can stay longer and hang out!!

Yay God Moments

Two most beautiful sights of this season: snow-capped mountains and rainbows.

The snow is so low that I could see the bottom of it on the mountains under the clouds today. It is so majestic and the mountains look so powerful as they point to our Creator. Then the rainbow I saw was so incredible. ROY G BIV. Every color was present and thick and so vibrant. Such a promise of peace from God and I love these reminders of who He is and that He loves me and has given me these things all for His glory. Wow God...you strike again!

Staying Afloat

Ugh...I'm working on my calculus homework and I feel old because I have forgotten so much math and now I'm trying to relearn it without starting at the beginning. It used to be fun to me - solving the puzzle. But now that I am struggling, it's no fun. I'd rather just play on Facebook or watch TV or crochet :) I think it's funny that I graduated college and yet I am still doing work. I am doing more this semester than I did last semester. Craziness!

I'm also struggling because some of my best friends don't support my decision to teach and work with youth. They don't understand my passion nor have they seen me in action, but they are my friends. They should support me even if they disagree and for dumb reasons too. Like when God tells me to do something with my life, I'm going to do it and I'd hope people would be like "Ok if God said so, then that must be the way even if I hate it" but that's not what I'm getting...I'm trying to keep a positive attitude.

I'm trying to stay afloat.

Oh my junior high kids were much better today. Cracked the whip at the beginning and made them stand in the rain since they couldn't get in a line fast enough...some rolled their eyes at first but their attitudes changed once we got upstairs and were hanging out. Yay God!

Bad Cop Now, Good Cop Later

Back into junior high I went today, and it didn't go like I thought. They are a tough group of kids and I felt like they had their guard walls up today - like who is this new counselor that's being a bad cop and telling me I can't chew gum at camp. And yet that girl still put the gum in her mouth! It seemed like a ton of the rules were not enforced well that I am now cracking down on, and it was hard to play bad cop on my frist day. I know later on I will be respected for being tough. (Oh how much fun I'll have when I'm a parent.) I want to make an amazing program and really get to know these kids on a deeper level and I guess I just was expecting to be at that level because I'm already at that level with so many other junior high kids from other sites and some former Jr high now high school kids....I miss the group of kids I had when I started working in junior high three years ago. But now that I think about it, I had the same "walls up" experience and it took time to break them down. But the time and determination I had then paid off because I've had so many opportunities to impact kids' lives and a lot of those kids still talk to me now. There is one girl who gave me the hardest time during junior high. Some days she'd be super sweet but then turn bipolar and flip out on me an hour later. I made her so mad so many times because she couldn't do what she wanted. I called her out on countless occasions because of things that would come out of her mouth or what she was wearing or how she acted like a Queen Bee. I every remember a time I made her cry because she was not happy at being called out on her behavior or the hard wake up call Kimber and I were giving her about consequences of her actions. Though there were so many bad days, there were many more good days and now our relationship is like running through a field of daisies - smooth, relaxing, and happy. :) She is even attending high school group at our church. When I think of that girl, I remind myself to stay tough but loving and in time I'll have more excellent relationships with this new group of kids.

I will bless the Lord

When I woke up this morning I was really excited for my day. I was going to have breakfast with my best friend, hang with her for a while, then cook with my sister and watch the Chargers win a playoff game. But it seems like everything has gone wrong. Don't get me wrong - it wasn't a horrible day. It's just that nothing went according to plan. Marla and I went to Starbucks for our coffee. They were out of sugar-free vanilla syrup so I got sf hazelnut, which I normally love. But my drink was terrible! I tried to keep my cool and not freak out and complain like I honestly usually do. So then we went next door to get bagels and I didn't spend the minimum so I got charged a 50 cent fee. Okay again not a big deal...not what I wanted but whatever it's only 50 cents. Again tried to keep my cool and be nice. As I was waiting for my bagel, I felt my cross necklace and I kept telling myself to be an example for Christ. Then we went to JoAnn's fabrics. But everyone and their grandmother was buying fabric and we had to wait 40 minutes just to get Marla's fabric cut. Third time - not what we wanted but we made the best of the situation. The afternoon continued that way everywhere I went. I was making chicken wings - didn't marinate them long enough or add enough hot sauce so they were alright, but not amazing. Then the Chargers sucked and threw away the game. All day things were so blah but not amazing. So as I'm waiting for Marla to get home from work, I was reading Psalm 34 and here's how it starts:

"I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth."

Totally the verse for the day. Nothing went right, but I'm still praising God. I'm alive and well. I have eternal life. I have amazing friends. I am in San Diego. I have a super fun and sweet sister. I am blessed by the Lord and so I give Him praise. Even when my day doesn't go as I planned it, God is still good.

Chocolate Chips

I love long car rides by myself for one reason: I have a ton of time to reflect on my life. Last night was a usual time of reflection, but I was thinking a lot about my career path and how certain moments in my life have influenced my decision to become a junior high math teacher. If my life was a chocolate chip cookie, these people and these events definitely are the chocolate chips that may have seemed like a nut at the time.

So Chocolate Chip #1: Mrs. Moon
She was my seventh and eighth grade math teacher who definitely encouraged me to be the best I can be and to never settle for mediocrity. She helped develop my love for math with her weekly challenge problems and her overall love for the subject. I also loved that she taught our class more than just math. She taught us lifelong lessons to have dreams and goals, but to never forget the people in your life that helped you achieve them. I kept in touch with her all through high school and college, and then she was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple years back. Her struggle became a huge testimony of her faith in Christ and even in her last few days she was still fighting strong. She cared more about others than she did herself, and she would email me frequently to encourage me in my pursuit of my passions. I want to be a math teacher like her that makes differences in the lives of students.

Chocolate Chip #2: Pacific Camps
When I was in fourth grade I knew I wanted to work at camp - getting paid to play with kids? Come on - who wouldn't want that job?! I started my junior year working with 1st-5th. And every break in college I came home to work at camp. For the past five years, I've work with every age group, but junior high has been my favorite. I have built so many relationships and watched kids mature and grow in Christ. It's been amazing. I love this age because I feel like I can relate best to what they are going through, and we can have meaningful conversations. This is also the age where they start to question things and explore a lot of stuff that can either harm or benefit their lives. However, they are still moldable, and they need an older person in their lives to guide and influence them.

This leads me to Chocolate Chips #3 and #4: Bud and Manny
If it wasn't for these two men who saw something in me, I would never have been given the opportunity to serve in junior high and would not have discovered my passion for this age group. Because of Manny's encouragement and leadership, I have learned how to be a junior high leader and how to have fun and be crazy with this age group. Because of Manny, I've eaten two entire habaneros, dyed my hair blue, gone paintballing twice, conquered my fear of swimming in the ocean, and learned how to mentor junior high kids. I've learned how to go above and beyond the call of duty, which totally makes the junior high counselor. These kids need more than a 9 to 5 person, and I've enjoyed being that. But also because of Manny, I considered a career working with youth, and my best option was teaching. Bud has continued to give me the opportunity to work with this age group and I am so grateful that he is paying me and giving me enough hours to work with these kids.

Chocolate Chips #5, #6, and #7: My mom, brother, and cousin Sally
These three people are all incredible teachers. My mom is an excellent teacher, but I never wanted to become a teacher because she hated it when I was younger and she always came home tired. I remember her talking about how much she hated it and all because of that I didn't want that career path. I think though that my mom really helped me learn how to lead and teach effectively. My brother is a natural teacher, and he has inspired me to help others. My cousin is also a teacher and I have listened to her talk to my mom and swap teacher stories.

I guess teaching is in my blood and I really hope that God continues to put more chocolate chips in my life as I pursue my dream.

A New Beginning

So it seems like everyone has started a blog recently and I've enjoyed following them. Then today I read Marla's theology journal and I was encouraging her to start a blog when I thought I should just make one for myself too. So here it goes.

I graduated college and now I'm in the working world. Joy right? Well, yes and no. I am so happy to be back working at camp because building relationships with junior high kids and watching them grow up is definitely my passion. But on the flip side, I'm not in San Diego with my best friend and that is the hardest thing in the world. It hasn't even been a full week and I miss her like crazy. We talk on skype every day - multiple times - and we text but it cannot compare to just being in her presence. She is going through hell right now and I wish I could be there to give her a hug, but all I can do is rely on my God to wrap His arms around her and pray that she finds a light. It's a new beginning - starting this semester apart from each other...

I've titled this blog On Wings Like Eagles taken from the Isaiah 40 passage because these past few weeks I have been relying whole-heartedly on the strength of Lord, not my own. And of course He has provided for me. Because of Him I am soaring high on wings like eagles and I'm praying that I'd stay like that and that Marla too would be renewed and fly high on wings like eagles.